Everything I need to know I learned from Brendan

By Crackinup

For those of you who missed the chat, you know, because you have a life, we have put together some learning points for your benefit. These assorted nuggets of wisdom, which range from Brendan learning a valuable tequila lesson to Aaron attempting chemistry in his boxers, have been categorized below for your reading pleasure.

Music

• Brendan chats with us while listening to blues, but his favorite song is "Me and Mrs. Jones" by Billy Paul. It's very "chill." [Editorial note: "Chill?" Influence much, Peirsol?]
• He also likes Bob Dylan. [Editorial note: Influence much, Crocker?]
• Marvin Gaye is good makeout music.
• Jack Johnson is "cough gay cough."

Alcohol

• Tequila = VERY VERY BAD. Like, fetal position bad.
• When the rule at Trudy's is "2 drink maximum", they mean "2 drink maximum", not "Bar Crawl!"
• Favorite drink: Jack and Coke. No, not Jack the dog. Ew.

The TattOOPS

• Only people who've seen Brendan naked (who are these lucky people?) have seen his longhorn tattoo.
• Said longhorn is on Brendan's left hip. Like Aaron's rings...but lower?
• The longhorn will make an appearance sometime before May. Why May? Just because.
• The key to expediting a tattoo reveal is, naturally, booze. See above points re: tequila.

Brendan and the ladies

• Brendan thinks he has no game. But he referenced being naked, so clearly he is full of BALONEY.
• Brendan has a girlfriend. *Pregnant pause* Haha, just kidding, no he doesn't.
• He does not like pickup lines.
• He will not wear a kilt, even if it impresses the ladies.

Food:

• Ramen is "nasty."
• Aaron does not cook for Brendan. [But if he did, it wouldn't be ramen.]
• Brendan claims he cannot afford a personal cook.

The Challenge:

• Atrophy is toast, even if Brendan's legs are tied while he swims and he stops to do tutoring and squat thrusts mid-race.
• She is REALLY toast after voting for Peirsol for Swimmer of the Year. According to Brendan, "It's over."

His new house

• It has no pool, how ironic.
• This is a big weekend for furnishing and working on the house.

His dog

• Jack either hates dolphins or loves chew toys. Either way, the dolphin chew toy is missing its head, and Brendan's downstairs has blue sh*t all over it. Blame Michelle.
• Jack is lazy. He's nothing like Brendan, which is what Bren loves about him.
• If Aaron were to walk Jack, Jack would actually walk Aaron.
• Jack acts differently around girls. Really, he does.

Academics

• Brendan's major is kinesiology, and his minor is communications. [Editorial note: These relate to one another...how?]
• In contrast, his major it is NOT Pimpology.
• Nevertheless, he will be teaching PIMP 101 in order to efficiently pimp his friends and brother. BHO bloggers politely line up.
• Brendan is taking 5 classes. He is doing well in school so far, which is greatly facilitated by the fact that he hasn't had any tests yet.
• He is a busy boy. He leaves the house by 6am every day.

Oh yeah, swimming

• Brendan is working on IM with Aaron (back) and Ian (fly). [Duh.]
• Duel in the Pool will be a slow duel if Worlds are held abroad. Brendan hopes Worlds end up in the U.S.
• Yes, Brendan had fun at the Golden Goggles.
• Bren is working at the Longhorn swim clinic with Eddie Reese.
• Brendan TAs a swimming class. [Editorial note: What does TA'ing a swimming class entail, exactly?]

Other, more inferior sports

• Brendan shoots a compound bow. A Mathews.
• Brendan is trying to get tickets to the Super Bowl. [This would mean no party pictures, so don't encourage it.]

The Trio, and other famed swimmers

• Aaron never has girlfriends but is not a player. He just likes to "kiss girls." And study chemistry in his boxers.
• Aaron is "chubby" and thinks he has muscles. "Chubby" appears to be a relative term.
• Aaron was busted checking out his fansite. [Editorial note: Chat...with Aaron?]
• Ian Crocker is now a free agent. Sarah is first in line.
• Look for Ian modeling his boyish good looks in the next Speedo catalog.
• The Trio always has fun together.
• Thoogie is universal.